who wants to be soggy and yellow?

just got back from a Night Job staff meeting in which I signed myself up to do a training for one of our clients. nobody asked me to do it, i just said i would ... and oh shit, i'm already nervous. i'll be okay ... i just need to get in touch with the client and find out what they expect of me before i show up.

anxieties: i'll probably be going all by myself, and so i won't have anybody to fall back on if i screw up or totally lose it. also, i'm young (as one of my colleagues likes to point out at every opportunity). are these folks going to take me seriously? positive spin on said anxieties: not having anyone to fall back on means i'll have to work through whatever comes, and will learn much more from the experience. also, being young means that i'll have a little more leeway ... and that it'll just be that much more impressive when i show how well i know what i'm talking about. (heh, look at me pretending to be confident.)

i think i'd really like someone who completely does not know me to be there and to give me feedback (constructive criticism) on my presentation. but it seems unprofessional to ask that of the clients myself. maybe i'll talk with the person who does the scheduling, and will create a feedback form that she can send out?

as for this post's title: i was told to "just be a sponge" during my trip to atlanta. i think i understand what the speaker was trying to get at: that i should go and absorb as much as possible and bring it back to the group. but what my crazy-ass self heard in that instant was "go be passive, learn from everybody else by listening, but don't make too many waves" - which is exactly what i'm tired of doing, both at Day Job and at Night Job. i want to learn, but i want to learn actively by going out, by making mistakes, by falling flat on my face and having to pick myself up again. so although my initial reaction (of defiance - "shit no, i don't wanna be no fucking sponge") was probably unfair ... i'm still not gonna be a sponge. :)

but really, i'm going to hotlanta for two reasons: the only person at this place i'm going to know is Chica, the friend & colleague who's going with me, and if i fall flat on my face and make an ass of myself it won't make a bit of difference. however, if i network well it could open lots of doors for me. and i'm totally fired up about that. reason two: atlanta is on my list, and Chica has good friends there that will be able to answer lots of questions for me. huzzah!